Colours of Life

2015-An unsaid version through the lens and words of a girl who's tide turned ends in the year. The sun of 2015 sets today with the hope of a brighter and glaring 2016 that awaits. 

As the year comes to close today, I was sitting back and pondering upon how the year has been. This picture here depicts my feelings perfectly. It has been a shade of grey a little here and shade of orange a little there. This year has taught me that nothing is permanent. Not even your sorrows if you have any. A dark patch does not necessarily mean a dark life, it only means that a stronger force of orange is waiting below to showcase its side. Like the setting sun, 2015 has been a year of a college journey and many other stories seeing an end. The question is; is it the end? I often considered life to be colourful in college and black after. However, only when the sun set, did I realize the meaning of the grey. With the beautiful fire ball in sight, why would anyone look at the dark clouds, isn't it?
But, hold on and look ahead; they tell you a story.

A rising fire ball in sight, a beautiful story it said;

As the shadows of clouds took over its crown.

Does the enveloping grey also have a say?

Look deeply, the clouds call out,

Awaiting another sunrise, it teaches you to blend.

Filling the aesthetic sky of life with the desired colours you crave,

Not every sunset is a closure and not every sunrise is a beginning.  

Look around, because every sunset tells you a story,

Discover your cry, because every shade holds a meaning.

Hold your breath, smell the fragrance and embrace the beauty, because every grey narrates a meaningful story.

Happy new year everyone :) This one is for a colourful 2016 

Beautiful people - Part III

Today as I began writing, I didn’t know where this one was headed. Something from within called for this writing and that is where I started this off. I began as a confused soul. I asked myself a few questions, is life always about the people in your present, what about those who left? Some knowingly and some unknowingly drifted away. Is it always about physical presence of people in your life? Would my life be the same without a certain said people walking through my heart? I found answers to few and some are left unanswered as I don’t know how I completely feel about them. Some sanctity did prevail as I reached a conclusion in my heart. Now that schooling and college and the care free days of friendships are over and we are not in the phase of everyone being available every single time; it is imperative to realize that the importance of those people and the impact they once created in your life will and in no way can be whipped off. And that is because of the simple fact that they touched your soul. Not everybody has the ability and I would say the honor of doing that in your life. I say honor because these are the people who have seen your bare soul. The unidentified, uncensored version of you. Some like tagging them as ‘best friends’; ‘support systems’; or ‘disguised family’. Call them as you like, but the truth remains that they exist. Somewhere deep down in a corner of your heart they still continue to play a role. If you’re lucky some of them form part of your present.

So these beautiful people who I am talking about today are my ‘special ones’.  The ones without who I probably wouldn’t have made it through college and school. Better put, the ones who made school and college worth cherishing (and blogging today). Easier said than done right? How can I put to words relations and people who don’t need words to understand me? How can I express my feelings about faces who read my expressions like an open book? How can I make believe my readers that such startling people exist who startle my life? How can my words give life to these humans who make life a better place to live in? This is where I decide to let my heart do the talking today.

From having someone from the time of your birth and still having her part of your life, physically and emotionally seems like a miracle, doesn’t it? But it is true in one case. A sister in disguise, my parent’s third child and the person who is just a panic call away. From having our share of ups and downs as school children, she has been a testimony and companion to growing up. We beat the conventional best friend tag, because she’s just family now. Walked into my life without invitation; (well, we were born in the same hospital four days apart) and is going to now stay till the end with our will, because life seems to have fevicoled our lives! That’s us! Effortlessly and no constraints! With her life doesn’t have serious issues; that is not because we don’t have problems, but because we have the ability of laughing over them together.

When I first walked into college, I did know college will bring people who I’d befriend, but I never thought I’d find gems! It is difficult to find people with who you can be completely yourself and be assured you won’t be judged. When that happens, you know you’ve found the right ones! Luckily I found two of them! Seniors, support systems, my overdose of madness. No amount of words would ever describe these two guys in my life completely. I am the last one who would trust someone easily. And today, when I am in a place where I don’t know if they’ll physically be present in my life tomorrow, I still know that I can blindly trust them. That’s what life teaches you, doesn’t it? Time, life and work are only quantified in numbers but what cannot be quantified is the love and care of people. The people who never expressed their love and people who I never expressed of what they mean to me are the ones who’ll remain the closest to your heart. The guys who can tolerate my drama and reciprocate it with more drama. The men who can handle a said non-emotional girl’s emotions and the boys who can give back more emotional outflow. The people who make me feel home with just listening to their voice. Whether it was a silent treatment or the stern critical warning or the never-ending care and love they showered me with. We played such multi-dimensional roles in each other’s life. But it was only to see the other one smiling. They are nothing but magicians. Life has been a roller coaster with them, but not a tiny bit less than a ride you never want to forget. It may sound filmy but it does happen, on a day when you need help, on days when you are down and out and they are out of calling reach, you just have to think of those two beautiful souls and remember that they are watching over you and it will leave you with a smile. A smile which is worth way more than what money can buy you. A reassurance and comfort no activity can get you.

The last human, I am talking of today (order must not be misconceived) is a physical distance away but will never be away. The girl who sitting a 10000 kilometers away from me knows with just my messages if I am happy or sad or upset or high on life! Needless to say, I can do the same. Maybe that is our greatest gift. A soul sister, a mirror, the strongest support, my secret santa, my birthday santa, my countdown keeper, in every true sense of the word, ‘partner in crime’.  We’ve both used this phrase for so many others. But the justice to the phrase is done only by you. From making similar choices in college to wanting to do the same things. We’ve broken the shackles of conventionality in every way. In our case, I don’t know what the future holds or what the past held, I just know one thing and that is that you are the one friend I want to have till eternity. Whether it is making an effort from a different time zone or in future a different life, it will always be the way it is.

I do not know what life would have looked like if these four hadn’t crossed my path. Maybe it would have been a little less dramatic, a little less clumpsy and a little less emotional. But it would also be a lot less special, a lot less loving, a lot less magical and a lot less easy. It is the comfort your heart feels being surrounded by them that makes you go on in life. This has nothing to do with meeting them every day or speaking to them every day or making a false promise of ‘permanent’. They are not my ‘constants’ of life as often addressed (even by me, foolish me) but they definitely are the constants of the heart.  The four pillars of my building of life. I can move to another floor higher or lower as life will take me in the future, but the basic four pillars that can never be broken and never be shaken are the ones you build growing up. They stand right there until an earthquake or human created demolish takes the building down. They go down only when the building seizes to exist.

We do not have control of who stays in our life forever. Destiny has a different style of playing than ours. What stays are memories and regrets of not making enough efforts to let them know what they mean to you. So never stop making the ones you love feel special. Because the most amazing feeling is the feeling of making some one smile, and if seeing somebody smile makes you smile in turn, it is your sign that they mean the world to you.

That is what they mean to me, I do not need to take names to convey to who this is addressed. Because somethings are better left unsaid.   

The four pillars of my life. The one's who touched the soul. This one is for the spirit of  friendships and love. For the never-dying connection of the heart. 

Above and Beyond

In the recent times, people have seen me blogging about life, philosophy and the beautiful people that come along with the changes life has brought. But that is not how I started off. Today I want to take time out to reflect on where I started and the reason for my blogging. I was the last one who would write on way of life. Surprised? If you had known me 5-7 years ago, you wouldn’t be. I was a normal school going girl who could express through words. I was crazy for the sport of cricket. The difference was that I was highly opinionated and passionate for the game. That is when my family encouraged me to blog. As that would channel my energy (overly-enthusiastic) to something constructive. Appreciation of loved ones, support from family and reads from co-cricket fanatics helped me grow and want to write more and more. The love for the game never died. What happened after that? I think, LIFE happened. Like most others, I moved on to a more mature form of writing. Maturity turned to philosophy and philosophy was backed with instances from life. Somewhere in this journey of trying to be a writer, did I lose track of how I inherently started? Maybe no. We all grow and evolve to be more focused in life, I see no harm in writing on varied aspects. But what matters to me is not forgetting where it all started.

I keep giving tributes and dedications to different people through my writing. But today it is going to be one for my ‘journey’. What better day than today! Why is it so special today? It won’t be wrong to say that if it wouldn’t be for my love for the man who celebrates his birthday today, I probably wouldn’t have had the urge to pen my thoughts. As immature as it can get, like every teenager, Yuvraj Singh was the driving force for my blogging back then. Some understood, some did not. Some gave it the name of a childhood crush. But the reality is that I loved the man for the love of the game. I did not love the game because of the love for the man. Even today, when I watch cricket and see the Indian no.4 and no.5 come out to bat, it feels like a disguised Yuvraj and Dhoni walking down the pitch. Isn’t the team struggling to find their perfect middle order combination a sign of the magic the duo created?  Like they say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, I do not want to sentence you to death if you don’t see that mystic like I do.

From being an ardent cricket lover to one of the strongest critic. I have done it all that it takes to be one of the million people who consider cricket a religion in this country. The old school memories still play fresh in my head. Back then, the brutalist of debates used to be the ones where two or three people with different viewpoints began discussing the game. Not to forget that I owe a few friendships to the madness of the game. Somewhere deep down my heart lies the same immature girl even today, who while penning this down is smiling from ear to ear as the memories of the days fill her mind and soul. The pictures of a girl sitting with all the newspapers spread on the floor, cutting out the important sports news for her ‘scrapbook’ flashes and my vision reaches a point where I can see nothing but those days of wearing the jersey and painting the face.

Apart from filling my memoir with the most long-lasting visions what has the game and the man given me? My most important lesson is that it’s not about the destination but the journey. That brings me to what I started off with. Yuvraj Singh may only be a name of a glorious cricketer today, but he was a part of my journey of growing up. A journey of growing up to see him accomplish what seemed like a mammoth dream. Growing up to admire seeing a sportsman go down and rise back to shine brighter. Growing up to see a young boy live the dream of his father. Growing up with a live example of playing for the country. That’s what counts, isn’t it? The journey of an exemplary talent embodied in the most flamboyant cricketer. Somewhere we walked this journey together. From a cricket fanatic wanting to write embodied in an over enthusiastic girl to trying a hand at mature form of blogging today, it is all about the ground we’ve covered. Knowingly, unknowingly, consciously, unconsciously the man has been an example, an inspiration and a partner to all the hurdles and success that came along. And that is what the spirit of the game and the world cup man of the tournament has taught me; life comes with challenges, you even face them and move on in life but what one must never forget when they are successful is the ground that lifted him or her. You may not count the steps that took you to climb atop, but definitely realize and embed the stint you had climbing up.

Today, as I try convincing myself that I am a grown up girl in a corporate world and these stupid things shouldn’t be wasted time on writing. But my conviction and never dying love for the sport and this archetypal cricketer is what makes me never give up. Maybe, that is what I’ve erudite along, isn’t it? What if Yuvraj Singh had given up to his cancer? Or given up on his dream to win the world cup? The most coveted trophy would only remain a dream. So whether it is never giving up on my dreams or my belief in the man; I’d rather stay an ‘immature girl’ if that’s what it takes to convince this society than give up on who I intrinsically am.

In my version of reality lies the spirit of my love for cricket and the joy I get in writing for Yuvraj. Because it is not about how life treats you or whether you get a second chance or no, what you wish to do despite those chances not coming your way is what the man has taught me. Whether it was cancer or not getting a second chance to come back, he hasn’t given up and is still out there helping those like him.

This one is for all those people who believe in never giving up on their journey. Because succumbing to the whims of this harsh world maybe an easy option, but what matters within is being an unapologetic version of yourself. The version of yourself that knows the true meaning of the expedition your life has been and despite it relishes the craziness of the small joys that make you want to live.

Because there could be no more fitting day than today to put this to words,

Happy Birthday, Yuvi. J

A version of your life and mine, above and beyond what meets the eye. 

For the love of the game and yuvraj and my journey along with his. - Above and Beyond

Beautiful people - Part II

Wondering who I would be writing for now? In all honesty, it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be, when I started off. What is the big deal? It is about writing for the people who have touched my life; is what I told myself. Like someone rightly pointed out to me, this blog is not about writing but about expressing myself. It is my way of a small tribute to the beautiful people who decorate my life or have in the past. Doing justice to the charisma of those people is what I effectively want to do. So first thing first, the order of the blogs must not be misunderstood as any sort of preference. Without any form of envy and biases, this is just as simply put; ‘my expression of love for people’.

While I was conversing with a one of my ‘bacchas’ (that’s how I like to address them) dared me to write on him. So much so that I brought the challenge onto myself. So the secret kiddo who inspired me to pen this down; not 15-16 or anywhere down; it’s going to be ‘Beautiful people-Part II’. In my opinion, every word ever written always has a history to it. This one has one too. While I sat there reminiscing my old college days in my fixed ‘khopcha’; the people passing by were moving in a blur like a movie being played in a fast track zone; with some known and some new faces. Before my thoughts could lead me to trance, my junior in shining armor walked in! There he was! The person who made coming back to college worth the time. (Just FYI, he always saves me from going into my trance of thoughts! Surprisingly telepathically as crazy as it may sound.)

Have you ever felt the urge to go back to the blissful life of college or school? I am sure in this fast paced 21^st century; we’ve all had that thought at least once to say the least! I am no different on this front. But what is it that makes me want to go back to college even after having graduated is what matters to me. It is the love of the people still in college. I do not know if my feelings for college would be the same the next year. That is not only because I would have grown out of it but it is also because I wouldn’t have anyone who would come running towards me and hug me when I enter college. There wouldn’t be anyone in college who would be waiting for me to surprise them post work. Those comforting hugs and marvelous smiles of MY people is what makes my going back to college a 100% worth it. 

I share very unconventional relations with most people and the reason for this is still unknown to me.  If you haven’t understood yet, I am talking about my juniors for thehumans of sanskriti today. It could be surprising to know that I trust and admire some of them more than my own batch mates. Like it is said, friendships do not come with age tags! So enough of the junior and senior formality, because that never came in way of us. From seeing them enter college to seeing their journey over the 3 years to witnessing them live their dreams in college, to grooming to be market ready in the next few months, it has truly been a very satisfying journey. I say satisfying because even if I made a tiny minuscule impact in somebody’s life I consider myself successful, because touching lives is far more sustaining that accolades and awards.

Aren’t there some people with whom you just have a feeling of belonging? That is how I feel with them! They have understood me with just a smile on their face, reassuring me all the time; “We know”. From making me a birthday video, to wearing special shoe laces for me, to travelling to and fro 2 hours for 15 minutes to meet me, to getting beautiful words from the most inexpressible person, to those wonderful worded posts, to having my back when I am down and hating my haters, to giving me panic calls when in trouble, to seeking advice when it’s needed, to confiding in me for the heart-to-heart discussions, to pulling my leg; they’ve done it all. I’ve hardly ever expressed how much they mean to me, but just maybe life would feel a little less special if it wouldn’t be for their presence. The cupcakes on my birthday I didn’t want to celebrate wouldn’t be so sweet if they weren’t bought by the right people. A teary eyed farewell wouldn’t be so emotional if I didn’t have those people who made leaving so difficult say those heart-touching things.  Those joyous economic victories wouldn’t be so full of pride if they weren’t won by the right people. Standing in the background and clapping for them wouldn’t be so satisfying if they hadn’t given me the respect to stand for them.

It is the respect that you give to me that has made the end to college a perfect one. It is the love you shower me with that has made the end of college not be end to friendships. It is the undying spirit of your enthusiasm that makes me never want to give up. It is your unconditional support in me that makes me want to set higher standards for you to live up to. It is your trust in me that makes me want to be all the more approachable for you when you need me. I may not be an ideal person, but I am definitely going to try my best to be a friend who you can fall back on when you need. Because life comes in all shapes and sizes, but the love and support of your special ones is what comes as the biggest gift.

Like I always say, bringing a tear to someone’s eye with an accomplishing smile is a sign. I accept that sign of life yet again and conclude with a dedication to all those people who have help me build myself. Because while I was busy thinking of how to be a good senior to all of you, you’ll helped me discover myself in the process too. In ways more than one, you’ll make saying goodbye impossible. 

This picture is only an illustration of a few of my kiddos who have touched my life. Each one of you is truly special :)